GORUCK Light Class 312

This past Sunday, I became a part of a new family--the GORUCK family. What the heck is GORUCK??

GORUCK LIGHT CLASS 312

Taken from www.goruck.com
go ruck [verb go + verb ruck] noun ruck is short for rucksack (aka backpack), it's also a verb: to ruck is to move with a rucksack, and implies action, energy, and purpose.  They pride themselves in "building better Americans." How do they do this? By building a bridge between the civilian and military worlds, one Cadre led event at a time. GORUCK's Cadre are all decorated combat veterans of Special Operations. They teach what they know and in that process, Cadre and participant alike come out changed for the better.

Ok, so that's the fancy wording from the website. Plainly, a bunch of people from all walks of life get together for a GORUCK event. They all have various rucks with different weights in them, either bricks or sand bags (determined by your own body weight) that will be carried on your back throughout the event. Depending on which one you choose to do, there are different requirements and the events are varying lengths and difficulty. What can you be expected to do? Well, not to sound cliché, but expect the unexpected. Expect to be challenged, to push yourself physically, to feel miserable at times, but you will still smile--ALOT. GORUCK is abut working together as a team, as a family--your Cadre will show you what you are capable of when you work as a team or when facing your own limitations.

I've known about GORUCK for a while. Last year, a large chunk of people from our gym participated in one and our trainer is an avid GORUCK junkie. I decided to join in on the GORUCK Light at the last minute. A couple of friends from my gym were already signed up and after a little bit of coercing, I was like, why not? 8 days before the event, I registered. Of course, I had to talk someone else into suffering with me, so I convinced my husband to join a few days later so we could suffer together! haha! That's LOVE! We borrowed a couple rucks from our gym and had a few days to try to get used to having it on our backs. At this point, we were beyond any training, it was just time to get the mind right--to tell myself that I'm gonna do this and finish.

Sunday came very quickly. My husband and I arrived close to the start point and met up with our friends. Jodi asked me "Are you excited?" Honestly, I didn't have an answer to that. I wasn't excited, I wasn't really anxious. Mentally, I was trying to just stay level about the whole thing. Temps were pushing into the 90s that afternoon and I was thankful it was starting to get overcast. Rucks on our backs, we start a slow march towards our start point. There were already so many people there. Many of them had already participated in other GORUCK events on Friday (GORUCK HEAVY) & Saturday (GORUCK CHALENGE)  and were going to join in on the Light. Completion of all 3 in one weekend is quite the accomplishment and many of these people were only operating on a couple hours of sleep for the past 48 hours. At this point, I had butterflies. The nerves had finally it and I could feel my breakfast churning around.

Our 5 Cadre arrive and they proceed to check us off their roster and check our rucks for the appropriate weights. We get a short introduction speech and really were thrown into the fray immediately. We had two team leaders, whom had to carry these huge weighted balls and one had to wear a weighed vest along with their ruck. Our "mission" at the moment was to move this huge wooden beam that was maybe 10 feet long. Along with this beam, we had various "team weights", water jugs and literally had water buckets to carry. I think it took about 8-9 people to carry the beam and when someone got fatigued, they alerted a team leader who then called for a sub and someone else from the line would step up and take the spot. Team weights were passed back and forth throughout the line when people got tired.

Basically, we were 42 strangers. Some knew each other from the other events, or came with a few friends like we did--but essentially most of us didn't know each other. We were quickly thrown into a situation where we had to depend on one another and help each other out, and we figured it out so quickly. We eventually had to put the beam down and continued on our journey. Along the way, the Cadre would have us "work" and "play" and if we didn't do something satisfactory, we were punished. The importance of teamwork was expressed constantly by our Cadre and the links between what they were trying to teach us with what we were doing made so much sense.

We spent time in the Trinity River (nasty!!! ), walked countless miles weaving our way through downtown Fort Worth, and bodies were wearing down--especially those that had been up now for like 3 days straight. But, yet they could still find a reason to smile. GORUCK events give civilians a taste of what it is like in Special Ops. No matter how bad it got, it could always get worse. After about 4 hours in, it starts to rain on us. At first, it's just a refreshing sprinkle but it quickly progressed into an all out downpour. It beat us down. We were smoked. Our team leaders were making bad decisions and we were all just quietly just marching along, kind of not caring. That led to us getting yelled at and a change of team leaders. It was my turn. EEEEEEK!!! With a great navigator, we get back on the right track and are headed back to our start point. I still made my fair share of mistakes as TL and got the team punished, but nothing was held against anyone and we all still managed to smile.

The more we traveled, the more time passed--the closer we were to finish. But in comparison, there are soldiers out there that would be out on missions for days that wouldn't see "finish" or home for months.  The ruck literally becomes a heavier weight on your shoulders and back, your feet are tired and we were soaking wet. Many at this point have blisters and spots are rubbed raw. There are people really hurting. Something shifts in your brain & suddenly, you understand. You embrace it. You embrace the suck. I cannot think of a better way to honor fallen soldiers, veterans and active personnel on Memorial Day weekend than to trudge around in the rain with this amazing group of people. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Finally, we arrive back at our start point.  The rain let up on us finally. We were finished.  Over about 6 hours, 8-9 miles traveled ...we were done. Now, usually when I finish a race, I am elated. I am overjoyed. But the feeling here is different. I. AM. DIFFERENT.  Changed. As I listen to each Cadre speak to us, about what we did, what we accomplished and to hear thanks coming from them--I am humbled. I am beyond humbled and honored to have gone on this journey. I am thankful to have met all the amazing people that I did and to have experienced that together. As we were getting the only actual tangible item we would get from this event, the GORUCK Light patch--the sun was setting and out came two beautiful rainbows that were followed by numerous groups of birds in arrowhead formation. It was almost surreal and a fitting conclusion to each individual persons journey on this particular weekend.

The patch is an awesome keepsake for this event, but the intangible things that I received are worth so much more. The memories I made, the people that I met, what I learned about myself are invaluable and I will never forget it. That's what we in the GORUCK family call, good livin'.

 

 

Just a few snapshots for ya'll from our GORUCK Light. I tried to put into words best I could about this whole experience, but honestly, it really was hard for me (someone who loves to write) to explain. It really is something that you have to experience for yourself. GORUCK proudly supports the Green Berets. For more information about GORUCK, it's events and products, visit www.goruck.com

Growing Pains

It's been so long since I've blogged! A few of my friends have started their own blogs and has inspired me to get back at it. So, here I am!! :)



So, what's new? Well, I don't want to disappoint anybody, but I haven't really been running. Not consistently since my last half marathon. I did run a 15k back in March on practically no training. I wouldn't do that to myself EVER again. Plus that evening I wore 3 inch heels to a friends wedding and danced, which made the next few days pretty tough on my legs.




I shifted my focus a bit so I could concentrate on getting stronger in the lifting department. Mission accomplished! I went through a sort of "bulking" phase, that I did myself with no special coaches or meal plans. In 6 months, I did gain 10 pounds (which isn't terrible). In the past, I would of totally freaked out about it, but with it I've gotten so much stronger. I went from a max deadlift of 130# to 180#. Went from lifting 10# & 15# dumbbells to lifting 20# & 25# ones. I can now to a handful of strict chin-ups (still working on the pull ups). So many changes, big and small, but all of them tangible in everyway. It's these small changes that keep me encouraged and focused on becoming a better version of me, day after day.




Do I have my faults? Of course. I commonly have one to many treats or sometimes sleep instead of working out, but that makes me human. I'm not a robot. I'm not some workout machine. I get over it and get right back on track. Now, with summer right around the corner, it's time to rethink my goals and reshift my focus again. What do I want to accomplish now? Well, without compromising my strength gains, I want to lean back out and take a peek at the muscles that are hiding. I've picked up a coach over at Gauge Girl Training and will be starting their meal plans shortly. Normally, I would just do it myself, but at this point (of feeling lazy) I need to be accountable to someone. I'm very excited to be sharing before and after pictuers with you guys later and keeping you updated with my journey. Here's to growth, change and smashing goals!


Keep up with me on a daily basis and follow my antics on Instagram! @cheafern

Victory, Isn't Always Winning

Warning: This blog is gonna be long. Really long. I've been away for quite a while and it seems like there is sooo much to tell you all! So, grab some popcorn, get a drink & prepare yourself to read.

I haven't been blogging because life had it's pesky way of really punching me in the face the past month. I really debated talking about it, but if my story can help anybody else that may have been sucker punched by life, it's a story worth telling. Back in early September, my father and I were robbed at gunpoint while closing up our shop. Thankfully, neither one of us were hurt seriously, but the emotional wounds of that night were deep. I was traumatized. I had the experience of having a gun to my head and I do not wish that experience on anyone who lives their life in the light. To make matters worse, the three robbers have yet to be caught--and even worse than that, I know who 2 of my 3 assailants are. They took something from me that night. A part of me. My peace and my right to be silent in my own mind without fear. The days following were filled with decreased appetite, lots of sleepless nights marred by nightmares and the moments of that night replaying over in my head.

With the Tyler Rose Half Marathon only a month away at this point, I decided to take a short break (a week) from running, until I could rest properly and fuel my body the way I needed. That snowballed into a whole MONTH. Why? I was scared. I was terrified. I couldn't bring myself to lace up my shoes and go out on my training runs--especially the long ones, alone. I am now oversensitive. I am paranoid. Every car that passes by is potentially someone who wants to hurt me. Being away for hours at a time, on quiet roads, didn't sit well with me. I was now shackled by fear, from enjoying something that I love so much. I was still sporadically making my Cave workouts and one day part of our workout was having to run laps--time to face my fear. I know it's irrational to be afraid of running a tiny stretch of area around my gym, but fear is known to be irrational and unexplainable. Running laps alone and in the dark (the sun isn't up yet at 6:30am) wasn't my idea of a good time. Long story short, I almost ninja pushed a guy riding a bike on his way to work--but it helped me conquer my fear just a bit. Maybe, I could at least squeeze in a few short runs before my half.

Then, just when you think everything is looking up, we had the biggest of freak accidents happen.
A truck traveling on the highway loses control of his vehicle while he was texting and driving and goes completely airborne when he drives off the highway--with him completely destroying our business van and my parents personal vehicle that were parked in our parking lot. Yup, completely the worst month EVER. Not running now for sure. Most of my runs have me running for a bit on the side of the highway--after this, I'll never be running on a training run on the highway again. Before, I had always been careful while running on the highway. Constantly scanning traffic, watching for any slightest movement or if someone didn't see me--but anything can happen and it's just not worth the risk. I'll drive 20 minutes to find 5+ miles of safe running area now before risking my life along the highway again. Below is a picture of the wreckage. It's unbelievable.

At this point, I only had a week left until my half. I've had ZERO training in a month. I started thinking about dropping out of the race. Would I be able to run? What if I hurt myself? I know how hard I can be on myself with my expectations. I'm always searching for the next PR, or fastest mile, etc. A large part of me didn't wanna run this race if I couldn't do my best, or be my best. After a lot of meditation, praying and discussion with some amazing, supportive people in my life, I decided I was gonna do it! Put expectations aside for this one race. I will be able to train for another race. There will always be another opportunity to PR. This race was about more than getting a medal at the finish line. I was running for my sanity. I was running to kick my fears in the face. I was running to take back a piece of my myself that those individuals stole that night.

The night before the race I methodically went through my usual race routine. Gathered my jelly beans, SPI belt, checked my playlist--the things I can control, I wanted to make sure I was prepared. Race morning I was filled with nervousness, anxiety and a twinge of excitement. I savored every moment of the experience. Hugged all my friends tight & absorbed all the words of love and encouragement. I still had some nagging self doubt in my head. I didn't have the luxury of running with a friend this go round. I missed my run buddy :(

Start time came quickly, we were through the start line and that 13.1 miles started. I had been telling myself for days, that when my legs couldn't run anymore, I was going to have to run with my heart. Both of my calves cramped almost immediately in my compression sleeves. It wasn't unbearable--I just did my best to breathe deeply, push through it and a few minutes later they relaxed. It was only like half a mile in, when we got to a point where those in the front of the pack were already looping around and passing us. I started talking to myself (or anyone who would listen). I made an offhand comment about how "I'll be that fast one day." I was delighted when I got a reply from a lady running beside me.

Next thing you know, we are running stride for stride, practically the same pace and talking to each other like we've known each other for years. I am convinced that it was fate for us to meet. Kristi was my angel that day and I know, I now have a friend for life. What was supposed to be the hardest course I've ever run, became the easiest just because of her. It wasn't the fastest I've ever run--but the longer we talked, we kept passing more and more mile markers. I don't remember what mile marker it was, that we stopped and she made a bathroom break, while I waited outside. Even though just hours before, we were complete strangers, I felt bonded with this person--I wasn't gonna run ahead of her right now! Another runner caught up to us during the wait and exclaims "I caught up to you guys! You've been my motivation from back there!" My heart literally soared. Here I was, running on minimal training and I've got someone telling ME that I was a motivating factor in her run.

The miles flew by in a blur. This literally was the most enjoyable run that I have had in a very long time. Usually after the halfway point, I would be starting to feel the aches and pains, overthinking the run--dreading the upcoming mile. None of that happened that day. With each step I took, the shackles that had locked me in fear the past month, broke away. I felt refreshed, renewed, and most importantly, I was starting to feel like myself. Kristi and I traveled about 11.5 miles together. Towards the end, we kept telling each other, "Don't let me hold you back. If you wanna run ahead, you can." I was so grateful for this woman, part of me wanted to stay with her until the end--but another part of me wanted my heart to take flight. I had this amazing, unexpected surge of energy flow through me and I broke away. I would wait for her at the finish.

I was on my final stretch and that last mile was the fastest mile I ran the entire race--I emptied out my tank. I caught up to the girl who had passed us earlier on my way to the finish. I gave her a big hug (and found out her name is April) and kept trucking on--the finish line was near. It was an amazing feeling to catch up to people that had passed me up earlier in the race and pass them. The finish was pure jubilation. I threw my hands up in the air in celebration--I can't wait to see the race photos :) April finished just about 2 minutes behind me and Kristi 5 minutes after her. Lots of smiles, hugs and camaraderie between people who didn't even know each other before that day.

No matter what happens in your life, you have to find yourself. It's so important! Feel your emotions, let people in and most importantly, go easy on yourself. Obstacles are put in your way--you just find your way around them, or BUST right through them! After all the craziness of the past month, I felt this inner calm standing there at the finish. I felt more whole than I've felt in a while. As I smiled and chatted with other racers, basking in our accomplishments, a spark was relit in my soul--a flame that had been blown out, that I had been trying to figure out how to light again. My official time was 3:14, my slowest half marathon ever....but this race was so much more than my others combined. I won this day, in more ways than I ever could of imagined.

Happy running :)

Runner Update

Sorry for the lack of clever blog title. I really don't have one today. This is pretty much gonna be a short and sweet update for the handful of you that actually care and read this :)

Half training as been coming along. I've got 7 weeks left until race day and the weeks just keep flying by so quickly it'll be here before I know it. The Texas heat hasn't really decided to give us a break yet, so I've seen been completely drenched and wore out with the sun beating down on me. Will have to get up EVEN earlier to tackle 7 miles tomorrow. Hopefully the heat will break in a few weeks. Been running solo--which has been a challenge. It's reminded me what a mental challenge running is--when I have to rely on myself to push, but it's been a good thing for me. I will need it to tackle those hills in October. I can't expect someone else to do it for me. Motivation, determination and the sheer grit comes from within. That desire, that burning in your soul--you get that from yourself. I can't expect to get it from outside sources and I realized that no matter how supportive you can be, you can't be that for someone else either. You run your own race.

This week has been somewhat of a "recovery" week for me. Due to work circumstances, I haven't been at the Cave as much as usual and it kind of gave my body a moment to recharge. Nutrition has been on point. I meal prepped last Sunday and for those meals that I didn't have prepared, instead of fast food, I got amazing, nutritious food from The Diner (in Tyler) which is branching out into a business called Fit City Foods. You can either preorder ahead or stop in and get premade meals (by hand, not frozen) that meet all your protein, carb and fat needs AT a reasonable price! WAY better than hitting the fast food window. I really recommend this to anyone in the area. In larger metro areas, a place called My Fit Foods, also does the same thing.

That's it for today. Eat well and just keep running everybody.

Off The Beaten Path

I've been taking a completely different approach to my half marathon training this go around. I have basically ditched the typical training schedule and now I'm officially "winging" it. What does that mean exactly?? I'm not running a designated amount of miles on a designated day and hating myself every other day. I still have scheduled long runs once a week, but my runs during the week aren't necessarily the typical steady state cardio type runs. I've been alternating between hill sprints, tempo runs and my "long run" yesterday turned more into a interval type run (due to run buddy circumstance). They say, the only bad run is one you didn't do...but I beg to differ. I want to enjoy what I'm doing, or else I may NOT want to keep doing it!

But it's been more enjoyable! It's been cool pushing and challenging myself to do different types of training. Some may worry about endurance, but I am confident that between my new training, cave work and strength training I will be more than ready for this half marathon in October. Where am I finding the time for all this?? I must admit. It isn't easy. It takes sacrifice. Life has basically become sleep, eat, work, and workout. Last weekend, I had to forgo a fun evening hanging out with friends because I had to wake up early and run the next day. Did I regret it? No, I didn't. Although, I wish I could of been there, keeping training up is essential to meeting my goals. Just two more months and I'll have more free time again. Thankfully, I have a wonderful group of friends that understand :)

I get asked, "How do you stay motivated?" and frankly, this one is simple. I just am. I love this life. I love working out. It makes me feeling amazing, healthy and strong. I enjoy it. It's fun. I love the people in my fitness circle. My rest days usually end up with me wishing I had clocked a workout in, but know it's essential for my body to get that recovery time. And I think this is why so many people that start out on their fitness journey cut it short, or just drop it all together. They are miserable. They haven't found exactly what they like. They don't have a good support circle & expectations are too high. Just like anything else in  your life, you have to devote time to it. You have to do research. You have to commit to the process, no matter how slow the progress is. Slow progress is better than NO progress.  My own motivation has essentially transformed into habit over time & now working out is just another part of my day, like breathing. I could still use a little work in the eating department, but that's ok, we all have things we need to work on.

The point of this blog is, don't give up. No matter what is going on in your life. Life is going to happen to you. It will lift you up and it will beat you down. But YOU control how you handle it and only YOU have control over your own happiness. Don't give up. Keep pushing. You've got to do it for yourself, because nobody else is going to care for you. Make it a habit. That one skipped workout, will become a week, will evolve into a month...and next thing you know it's been 6 months. It goes that quickly. Change that, today.

Why Does It Have To Be A Diet?

Ok, quick update before I get into today's post:
Happy August!!! This week marks another start to "officially" training for my next half marathon! waaahoooo! This past Sunday, I dragged my run buddy out to go on our first training run. She obliged. Just a little. We ran the course to a previous 5k that we had completed a few months ago, which is relatively flat and a fast course -- an easy first run out. It was actually a beautiful morning & I was super proud of myself for dragging myself out of bed after being out late the night before with friends. Felt like my body was asleep when we started out, but it woke up very quickly.

My run buddy has been going through a lot of life issues recently and she was a little burnt out from running (say a prayer for her!) so the run was a little tough on her. It wasn't pretty, but we got it done. I have no doubt that it won't take her very long to get back to speed. It was awesome to be out there together again-- there is certainly something to be said that suffering with someone is better than suffering alone. bahaha. She also signed up at the cave, so I'm hoping she'll make a few classes in conjunction with lifting sessions with me & make her an official cave girl. Trying my best to walk that fine line between encouraging/motivational and annoying.

So.....today's blog is about something that's been bothering me for a while. The word: diet. How can one little word be so frustrating?
Diet:  1) The food and beverage a person or animal consumes 2)  A controlled regimen of food and drink, as to gain or lose weight or otherwise influence health.
Everywhere you look there's a new diet to loose weight: low-carb, paleo, caveman, Mediterranean, vegetarian....I'm exhausted just trying to name them all. I've been receiving quite a few comments on how I've been eating (which is the reason for this rant today - sorry, not sorry). I haven't been the most consistent on my eating habits the past few months with quite a few splurges (that's being generous) here and there, but when I am eating clean, I hear: "Are you on a diet? You are already skinny!" or "You're so skinny, you need to eat something!"

First of all, I am NOT skinny. I am fit. If I were just "skinny" I couldn't lift half the weight I do right now. Second, NO I am not on a diet. Unless there's a diet called, "don't eat crap all the time." I find it appalling that there seems to a stigma for those that care about what types of foods they put in their bodies and want to nourish it appropriately. If someone enjoys going to the gym everyday, they are called obsessed. If someone is training for their first marathon, they are called crazy. Obesity rates around the world are rising -- our fast food nation has truly taken over & is on cruise control - to the detriment of society. People are needing medical care and medication for issues that could disappear if only they took better care of themselves - but yet remain slaves to the medical system. Why?

I choose to invest in my health and well being. I am stronger, healthier and want to have a full long life and will do all the things I need to do in order to make that happen. No, I am not perfect. But everyday is a day that can use to invest in myself. I just had a biometric screening done for our health insurance and had my blood drawn for the first time. I was actually nervous about my results! Everything came back great, but it saddens me to know, that is not the case for most people. It saddens me even more that people accept it like it's their fate -- ok, I'll take this pill everyday for the rest of my life. Eat foods that are good for you, exercise, get rest and you will reap all those health benefits. I will take that formula any day, over a cocktail of medications produced in a lab. End rant.

Eat well. Move your body. Rest. Repeat. Carry on.

Chips, Salsa & Cake, Oh My!

So, my HS 10 year reunion was last week. What significance is that? Um. Hello. It means I'm getting old! *sobs* Not only that, all the yummy Mexican food that we had spiraled into a whole week of wanting to eat that same way and some binge eating moments late at night with a bag of Tostitos and salsa. tortillas and butter. and guacamole. and cake. *face palm*

Thankfully, I realized what I was doing a few days ago and I nipped it in the bud. It's not necessarily that the food I was eating is "unhealthy"...but my actions were. The maniacal way I would get home and tear open that bag, sit and mindlessly munch on the salty goodness and zesty salsa flavor explosion in my mouth. Hmmm...I made that sound too good I think. The salt is a heart attack waiting to happen! Ok, that's better. ha.ha. I've been back on track now for a few days and I'm less bloated and I see a glimmer of my abs trying to peek out again.

For a few days, I was in denial, telling myself "I'll work it all off in the gym," when I KNOW that you absolutely CANNOT outwork a bad diet. It's just not possible. Thankfully, my devotion to the Cave has not waivered a bit -- and I attribute that to the amazing people there. I had a rough few days a few weeks ago, where everything just seemed hard. Weights were too heavy, I was breathing too hard, and basically felt horrible. But, I've got an awesome group of people there that continue to encourage you regardless -- everybody has bad days. You have to have them in order to push through to the good days. Not just in working out, but in life as well. It's all a part of the journey. I came out of that mini slump stronger and that is a great feeling.

Today, I put my run buddy through my Operation: Build a booty workout. I think she liked it. Or maybe she hated it. We'll see tomorrow if she's so sore, she's cursing my name under her breath. haha! Speaking of tomorrow, I'll be going on my first run in a while--my preliminary run to kind of gauge where I'm at as a precursor for my half marathon training. I'm confident that my endurance is still somewhat decent and my legs are stronger than ever, so we'll see how it goes! It's just going to be an easy 5k, but I'm looking forward to it. Official training will begin next week! Back on the grind we go. Keep on running everybody!